Doctor Al's Medical Dictionary for Laymen A B C D E F G H I K L M N O P R S T U V W A Abductor pollicis brevis - Brave policeman kidnapper Adenoids - Space creatures that are keeping Elvis alive on Pluto Aerobe - A garment worn around the house Anally - Occuring yearly Anasthesia - A Russian princess you studied in school Ankle - Opposite of aunty Antacid - Hallucigenic drugs used by little bugs Anthrax - Trail made by ants Antibody - Your aunty is Elle McPhearson Artery - Study of paintings Asthma - What you do if dad says no Atrophy - Prize for winning Autoblast - A car horn Autopsy - The hood of a car B Bacteria - Back door to a cafeteria Barium - What doctors do when treatment fails Benign - What you are after you be eight Bilateral - Someone who speaks two languages Bisexual - A person who pays for sex Blood Count - Dracula Bowel - A letter like A, E, I, O, or U Bronchitis - Dinosaur from the Plastasine Age Bruise - A six pack of beer Buck - Fever Incessant craving for dollar bills Burger's - Disease From eating in too many fast food joints C Cardiac - Someone crazy about old cars Cardioplasty - Credit card Carditis - Addicted to poker Caesarean - Section A district in Rome Carpal - People who drive to work together Catalyst - A guy who works on a ranch Catarrh - Stringed instrument Cathode Ray - The amount Ray billed Cathy Cat Scan - Looking for kitty Cauterize - Made eye contact with her Cavity - Drinks from the menu Cilia - Their kids Colic - A sheep dog Colostomy - Can't find Collin Coma - A punctuation mark Congenital - Friendly Conjunctivitis - Prisoners littering their cells with trash Cystine - Chapel with a painted ceiling Cystogram - A telegram to your sister D D&C - Where Washington is Delirium - A large room with meat hanging from the ceiling Denial - Where Cleopatra swam Dental - Condition of a car after a wreck Diarrhea - Journal of daily events Dilate - To live long Dropsy - Inability to hold on to anything Dyspareunie - Don't worry E Electrode - Amount due to the power company Elixir - What a dog does to his master Enema - Not a friend Eustachian - Where you catch the U train F Fester - Quicker Fibula - Small lie Flatulate - Fix a tire Flocculation - Admired by a group of birds Fracture - Part of a whole G Gall bladder - An anti-Roman vessel Gangreen - Gang colors Ganglia - A bad part of LA Gargles - Quasimodo's friends Gastric - Something you can do with a bunsen burner Genital - Non-jewish Genotype - Kind of girl Gino dates G.I. Series - Soldier ball game Gloss - Very shiny Grippe - Suit case H Hangnail - Coat hook Hemophiliac - Guy getting a feel Hemorrhoid - What you offer to a hitchiker High Colonic - Jewish religious holiday Homogenous - A brilliant gay Homosexual - One who has sex at home Hormone - A prostitute's cry Humerus - Funny bone Hymen - Opposite of high women Hypodermic - Big, fat zoo animal I Ileal conduit - Leave for Con to do Impotent - Distinguished; well known Ingrown Hair - A rabbit raised indoors Injection - Opposite of rejection Intense Pain - Torture in the teepee Intern - One after another Isodense - I ain't too smart K Kidney - The joint between a child's hip and ankle L Labor Pain - Getting hurt at work Liver - A person who lives on and on Lumbar - Wooden planks Lymphocytes - Where people with sore legs can walk M Mammary - Something you remember Mandible - Cannibal food Medical Staff - Doctors cane Megahertz - Hurts real bad! Melancholia - A breed of dog that eats cantaloupe Minor Operation - Coal digging Miscarriage - Losing your shopping cart Morbid - Higher offer N Nitrate - Cheaper than a day rate Node - Was aware of O Oncology - About college Oral - Mountain range in Russia Organic - Musical Otomy - My car not yours Outpatient - Person who has fainted P Pap smear - Fatherhood test Paradox - Two doctors Pasteurize - Too far to see Patella - To caress one's female companion Pathology - Study of roadmaps Pedicure - Prescription for Fido Peduncle - What baby did on uncle's lap Pelvis - Cousin of Elvis Penis - To pee in Venice Pharmacy - Cultivating the ocean floor Phlebitis - Why dogs scratch Platelet - A saucer Postoperative - Letter carrier Prepuce - Before it turned dark Prolapse - Nascar race track Prostate - Flat on your back Protein - Favoring young people R Rarefaction - A number not commonly used in math Recovery room - Place to do upholstery Rectum - Dang near killed him! Relapse - Second time around the track Resonance imaging - A DaVinci painting Retractor - Second hand John Deere Rheumatic - Amorous Rhinoplasty - Charge card for the zoo S Scapula - Burger flipper Sebum - A surfer Secretion - Hiding something Senile - Viewing an Egyptian river Serology - Study of English knighthood Seizure - Roman emperor Shock - Ocean fish with sharp teeth Sickle cell - Farm equipment sale Sphincter - An Egyptian statue Supraclavicular - Interstate traffic pile-up Suture - Someone who works for customs Systole - Your sister told on you T Tablet - A small table Talus - Request an answer Tension - What the officer demands of his troops Terminal Illness - Getting sick at the airport Testicles - Books of the Bible Tibia - Country in North Africa Tissue - God bless you! Toe - To take away your car Tolerance - What you get after giving growth hormone to ants Transexual - Having sex while driving Trapezius - Circus high-wire act Tubule - Two oxes Tumor - More than one U Ulna - Name of a girl from Norway Urinate - What a nurse says to patient in room eight Urine - Opposite of "You're Out" Urogram - Finally your son has a kid V Vagina - People who live in the state of Virginia Varicose - Near by Vein - Conceited Vulva - Swedish automobile W Windpipe - Aboriginal musical instrument Wound - Will not
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